fear of a room- In My Head

A breezy dark night I stayed over at my cousins house, we were watching scary movies, 2 a.m came around, I look to my cousin Mayra’s direction and she’s asleep so I turn off the TV and try to sleep, the house is quiet, the room is dark and cold, the door isn’t fully closed and I can hear noises coming from the hallway, the window is a little open and the wind is making whistling sounds, the scary movies keep playing over and over in my head, I feel terrified, I feel eyes staring at me, my phone light is the only thing lighting up the room, the tree right outside is making sounds, I keep trying to hide under the covers as if that’ll protect me from whatever is around, I can hear a car passing by and the car lights go right through the window and all of a sudden I see the tree shadow, that looks like a man, on the wall and at that moment I didn’t think about what it could be, I scream and jump right out of bed.  My scream is so loud I know I woke up my Aunt and Uncle, so I’m running to them as they’re running to me in the long dark hallway we bump and because I’m so scared of what it can be I push my aunt off of me.  Mayra turns on the hallway light, I’m against the wall looking terrified, with tears running down my cheeks, my chest is heaving from how fast I’m breathing.  It was nothing at all though, nothing at all, just my mind stuck on the scary movies, it was all just in my head.

Fear-Be Safe

Does anyone ever plan to get pregnant?  No, and that’s one of my main fears, getting pregnant when that’s the last thing I need.  I don’t take care of myself, I don’t take birth control but I also don’t have sex to avoid this problem.  I’m scared that a baby can get in the way of so many things.  I’m 18 years old and I absolutely don’t need a baby right now.  I have a full life ahead of me and I have enough time to have a baby later on.  Another reason why I’m scared is because I grew up most of my life with no father to turn to, my mom was mommy and daddy to me and I saw her struggle to give my sister, my brother and me everything we needed.  I want to make sure whoever my baby daddy will be stays with me, supports us, and that he’ll never leave our side.  I want to be prepared for a baby.  I want to know all of its needs, and a perfect way to care for him/her.  I want it to be when I’m ready for a baby, when I have time for it because a baby needs all of the love and time from its parents and that’s exactly what I need to give him or her.

Poem 1- Heartbroken in December

It only takes one day

If you’re willing to crash it all

To just throw it all away

Don’t let a hill make you fall.

A heartbreak can last a lifetime

But be a big person and forget

It’ll finally be your peacetime

I promise you won’t regret.

As it all goes by always remember

You do only live once

So go on and live it past December

And all the other months.

Be happy,

Put on a smile.

Be nothing but sappy.

Go on and have a great while.

Animal Poem-Lion Attack

Focused, energetic, my stomach is ridiculously getting attacked with all these butterflies.  A voice in my head tells me, “Give it your all, you’ve worked hard enough to get through it.”  As I make my way to the ring, I feel pumped, I feel confident in what I can do.  Rounds 1-10 pass by as a flash, no knockout.  Round 11, 30 seconds left, still no knockout; I’m trying to focus but I can’t.  What if I lose?  What if I get knocked out?  Twenty seconds, who’s going to win at the end?  I’ve lost count of who’s had the best hits.  I’m going to bring out the best of me.  I feel fierce, I’m standing at one corner and my opponent is on the other side, I feel like my blood is running through my body at a hot temperature. I can feel my face turn cherry red. In my head I can hear myself growling as if I were a lion ready to attack. I run to her ready to finish her up in high dudgeon, as black thunder, my paw hits her right in the face, she falls straight down, her eyes are closed, she won’t get up!  1, 2, 3!  Knockout!  I win, I win!  But all of a sudden, drenched in sweat, I wake up from this dream and realize it was all in my head, it was all just a dream I’d love to live through.

Color Association-Pink Is Beautiful

Pink is pretty, pink is happy, pink is beautiful.  This color reminds me of July 11, 2008, when Adriana Avalos was born.  Our family is full of boys, -lots and lots of boys- , and we were actually expecting Adriana to be a baby boy.  As we walk into my aunt's hospital room, I see pink blankets, pink balloons, pink candy, a pink diaper bag, pink clothes, and a beautiful baby girl with big fat pink cheeks.  As I hold her in her little pink outfit, I have no words to explain how gorgeous and beautiful she is, Bon Bon, Princess, Mamas, "CHIKIS"!, I shout, and so her nickname stays.  up to this day "Chikis" still only wears pink.  She loves painting her nails pink, her room is pink, her favorite barbie wears pink, she always carries one crayola everywhere she goes, what color? Pink! She would bleed pink if she could.  Honestly, this little girl is like my life, almost like my very own daughter, she's with me almost 24/7, I love taking her out to the park, movies, to eat, anywhere because she makes me happy.  We have a cute little bond that I wouldn't change for the world, and this is why pink is the color that reminds me of my baby girl.